Developing Discernment

Having completed the top 10 Cognitive Capacities to develop in our youth, let's delve in a little more deeply.  Discernment has been on my mind lately as I have taken my own deepdive into the world of AI.  How do we know what is true anymore.  It is so easy to create fake images, news stories, and the like.  

Discernment is the ability to distinguish right from wrong, truth from falsehood.  In Christian circles, discernment is thought of as a spiritual gift.  I see it as one of our greatest cognitive capacities.  It can be developed in each of us.  Personally, I am noticing that my own discernment has been elevated.  I am not sure what has caused the shift, but I can tell without even listening to the words, whether something is true or not.  This is discernment in the highest secnse of the word. a spiritual ability to sense truth.  But how do we teach this?

At first we should probably help our kids through noticing patterns of behavior.  To get into the sensing part, can be something you might choose to experiment with, depending on the open-mindedness of your audience.  You can even host these conversations, and have them play games where they tell 2 truths and a lie, and have them look for signs of lying.

Beyond just the actual act of sensing a lie, there are many ways we can teach out kids to be on the look-out for manipulation.

Here is an example of a loose curricular framework focused on developing awareness around the concept of manipulation.  

Developing Discernment: The Art of Seeing Clearly

Discernment is one of the most powerful forms of intelligence, because it allows us to navigate complexity without falling into fear or naivety. The question isn’t just who or what do I trust?—it’s how do I recognize truth and integrity in a world full of noise?

Discernment starts with detecting manipulation. 

 Tell-Tale Signs of Manipulation - Learning to detect when something is off.

1. Contradictions in Their Own Story
 How to Detect It:
If someone keeps shifting their logic, contradicting what they said earlier, or using reasoning that doesn’t align, it raises a red flag.
Example: A person says they value honesty but then justifies deception.

If someone’s words and actions don’t match, or their story keeps changing, that’s a sign they might not be trustworthy.

​ Discernment Practice:
Ask, “Is this consistent?”
If their story keeps shifting, it might be manipulation or self-deception.

2. Emotional Manipulation (Forcing a Reaction)
How to Detect It:
If a person’s language is designed to provoke a strong emotional response instead of offering balanced information, I note that as a potential manipulation attempt.
Example: “If you really cared about people, you’d agree with me.” (This is guilt-tripping, not reasoning.)

Be wary of emotional pressure tactics: guilt, shame, flattery, or urgency.
If someone makes you feel like you owe them something just for existing, that’s a red flag.

Discernment Practice:
Ask, “Am I being asked to think or just to feel?”
Pause before reacting emotionally to see if you still feel the same way later.

3. Black-and-White Thinking
How to Detect It:
If someone presents only two extreme choices, ignoring nuance, they are likely controlling the narrative.
Example: “Either you’re with us, or you’re the enemy.”

Manipulators limit your options to control your choices.
Reality is usually more complex than two choices.

Discernment Practice:
Ask, “Are there more than two options?”
If someone is making you choose between only extremes, step back.

4. Overuse of Flattery or Devaluing
How to Detect It:
If someone praises me excessively or belittles me repeatedly, it’s usually a sign they’re trying to influence my behavior.  Manipulators alternate between idealizing and devaluing to keep control.
Example: “You’re amazing, but if you don’t agree with me, I’ll be so disappointed.”

Watch for people who love-bomb or tear you down to control you.
Healthy relationships don’t require you to earn someone’s approval.

Discernment Practice:
Ask, “Is this flattery balanced with honesty?”
If someone’s approval feels conditional, they may be controlling you.

5. Information Control
How to Detect It:
If someone withholds key details, distorts facts, or overwhelms with too much information, it’s often an attempt to control perception.
Example: “Trust me, I know what’s best. You don’t need to read the details.”

If someone is limiting what you can know, they might be hiding something.
People who truly have nothing to hide encourage independent thinking.

Discernment Practice:
Ask, “Am I allowed to question this?”
If questioning is discouraged, it’s a red flag.

Developing  Discernment
Discernment is not about distrusting everything—it’s about trusting wisely.
To reloop negative thinking patterns around trust, try:
 1. Recognizing fear vs. intuition. (Fear screams, intuition nudges.)
 2. Questioning extreme thoughts. (Is there a middle ground?)
 3. Pausing before reacting emotionally. (Give yourself space.)
 4. Checking for manipulation patterns. (Are they using guilt, control, or fear?)
 5. Trusting actions more than words. (People show their truth through behavior.)

Final Thought: Discernment Creates Freedom
Discernment doesn’t mean never trusting—it means choosing trust consciously.
It keeps you open but protected.
It allows you to engage deeply without being easily manipulated.
It gives you freedom from unconscious programming—so you can make decisions based on clarity, not fear.