I was looking through some of my dear friend Melody's belongings.  She passed away a few months ago.  She was 72, but she had the mind of a young girl and we loved to have her at all of our events.  She was one of our favorite Ambassadors of Kindness.  

Melody was often misunderstood.  Although it was clear to me that she had some cognitive differences, she didn't have downs syndrome (like her brother) and she didn't have any identifiable disorder.  She looked to me to have Williams Syndrome, since I have a cousin with this syndrome, and Melody has all the earmarks.  But she was never tested, and so people just saw her as different, and sometimes irrational.  

I had that chance to be a good friend to Melody, and often saw her get frustrated and upset.  However, when we started the Ambassadors of Kindness with her, she started focusing on being good.  I could use language to help her get over her frustrations and guide her to the positive choices for her responses.  I wish her family could have had these tools.  Perhaps they would have been closer.  Most of the time, when we see a family member acting poorly we just tell them to "act right" or you will get it. 

So much of schools has been based on correcting errors.  I don't know if your school did this, but many schools will give children strikes, or move their clip down the thermometer.  This type of punitive approach in fact can have the opposite effect.  I can cause a student to focus on their own weaknesses, and see themselves as bad.  It is also a way of getting attention, which every student craves.  There is another way.  It is time now to focus on "energizing" successes.  This will be putting attention where it will give the best results.

This is the approach of Positive Psychology, and it is not just about giving everyone an A, or everyone gets a trophy. Positive psychology is based on solid science. It works by truly recognizing and honoring each individual's gifts.  It is not superficial, feel good praise.   It is not about saying "good job" or some generic praise.  It has to be specific.  It is an acknowledgement for demonstrating something good.  The outcome is that students will show more of these positive behaviors. 

We don't always get recognized for the positive things we do, and sometimes we don't even know we are doing something good.  When we acknowledge the positive, it bring awareness in the moment to the action, and that awareness can have a profound effect on someone's connection to their own inner self.  For example, when someone works through a problem, and doesn't give up.  I can acknowledge their determination.  Now the student recognizes the action and feeling of being determined.  They can draw on that when needed in difficult situations.  They can start to see themselves as having that quality.

Even if you don't have a book, or don't care a wit about the AOK program, you can start to notice and acknowledge all the good things folks do around you.  Remember your kind words ripple out into the world and come back to you many, many times.

I remember when I applied for the Mentor position at the Self-Design Graduate Institute, I got their attention when I said, "All learning is self-motivated".  I believe that to be profoundly true.  This belief comes from a deep biological understanding of the brain, as much as from the understanding of the psychology of self, identity and ego development.  

One of my favorite professors at Rutgers Center for Molecular and Behavioral Neuroscience was György Buzsáki, MD, PhD.  Every year, he would ask the newly minted students in his graduate class one question.  "What is the brain interested in?"  Afraid of saying the wrong thing, we all waited.  The answer was, "Itself".   Indeed this is true.  The brain is a self-referential organ.

He pointed to the fact that the brain is organized so that the number of neural connection coming from our senses to the "relay nucleus" (the thalamus) to the cortex are outnumbered by the projections from the cortex down stream to the thalamus by 6:1.  Well, that little bit of neuroscience shows up in how the brain and mind operate in general, and why schools have it all wrong in the way they educate.  If we don't let the emerging self participate in directing the learning, the likelihood is we will be fighting an upstream battle of 6:1.

I have been looking over my old papers, and came across interviews I conducted with educational leaders in the field of neuroeducation from 2011.  I was curious about how much of what was emerging then could have predicted where we are now.   I came across the self-directed learning section.  It feels good that I have been able to utilize this approach, and have seen it work.  I also love that I have a tool to share with others that gives the students not only the chance to select their content areas, but also when and how they will complete the tasks.  This is only a first step, and I plan to create something that will help students created longer term goals and projects.  But even to be able to structure their own learning experience is huge.  It is a life skill that they will be able to carry with them.

This first model of self-directed learning is a start towards students learning to make choices.  Looking at the interviews, I had to laugh at this one comment.  It is so true.  What are we teaching them, how to wall in the hallway?  Definitely not how to direct their own learning.

It is the teachers who are doing all the problem solving in school,
making all the decisions. The kids are never involved in any decision
making, even about the mundane things, about how to walk to the
library, or all of these other kind of thing. So when are they going
to learn how to make critical decisions when they grow up?  (P3)

Some of the other comments are just as relevant.  The word stranglehold really stands out to me.  Even moreso today when we are experiencing a form of indoctrination in many districts.  When do our students get to digest information according to their own understanding?  When do their opinions become relevant?  If we do not allow these capacities room to develop, what will become of their capacity to think critically?


I can be responsible as a teacher for teaching them how to read and how
to write and how to think better to improve those abilities. But I
don’t have to keep a stranglehold on what they read, and what they
write about and what they think about. I can allow them to follow
their own interests more, and pursue things that matter more to them.
(P15)

They cannot imagine really letting students make choices, or having
students ask their own questions without having to answer them. Or
when they actually see that students can possibly ask their own
questions and research it they’ll still say I am going to do this and
this and then I will allow them to do that. (P9)